I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
