My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
