Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
