She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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