If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
