So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
