what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
