You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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