i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
