New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
