Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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