Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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