How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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