she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
