Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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