this beer tastes like vomit already
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
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