I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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