Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
