using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
