If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Be still, my beating vagina.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
