about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
