I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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