peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
