He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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