we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
