I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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