she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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