If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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