Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
