This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
