Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
