Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
