are you still at the devil's house?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
