Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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