very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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