Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
ok first of all what the fuck
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
