we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
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well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
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My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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