it was like his penis was on wheels.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
