did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't deserve a penis
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
