OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
