I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
