I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I have feelings that need drinking.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
