My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
