so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
