that's an acceptable place to lick
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
