My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
