how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
