It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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