You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
