I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
this is an emotional support booty call
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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