i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
