she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
