Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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