What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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