You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
