I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
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Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
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Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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