ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
