just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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