see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I need to stop coming to work sober
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
