God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
