I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
