i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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