Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
