just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
23 Ladies Who Have Mastered The Art Of Squirting
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK