Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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