i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.