I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar