I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.