is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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