i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
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You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I am one with the molecules