U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
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She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
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sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy