i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE