smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
